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Snowfall

Wait for me
I'll be here - cold, and with my arms around my knees
Trembling, longing for fragments of a fond and former peace
Lately, if you watch me, I can play a part that you'll believe
until you breathe easily
I'm not as strong as you perceived me once to be

The snow tonight has covered all your snares
and made it hard to find my way through safely
If I climbed or crawled through your defenses
would you see through my attempts at bravery?
Maybe, if you want me to, I'll fall apart and you'll escape
before you break down with me
I once believed in you as one to set me free

You don't know me
I don't even know myself

Wait for me.
I'll be here - cold, and with my arms around my knees
Trembling, longing for fragments of a fond and former peace
Lately, if you watch me, I can play a part that you'll believe
until you breathe easily
I'm not as strong as you perceived...
Wait for me.

Warzone Serenade

The buzzards all came flying in
to feed on what was dying and I found myself the victim of their ways
I guess I'm just the kind of kid
who's had so much given to him
I'd claim I hit a triple
when I was born on third base

Time burns slowly now
in the moments since the pin left the grenade
Still, it all feels calm, somehow
In the middle of a warzone serenade

I woke up in the lion's den
and found I had some lying friends
who swore I wouldn't fall where others fell
The light down at the tunnel's end
has faded out and grown dim
but I've found out that darkness suits me well

Time burns slowly now
in the moments since the pin left the grenade
Still, it all feels calm, somehow
In the middle of a warzone serenade

I guess it just comes down to knowing
when everything decays
It's okay for some things not to be okay
I guess it just comes down to knowing when it all goes up in flames
It's okay for some things not to end okay
It's okay for some things not to end okay

'Til We Die or Back Out

Don't mind me, Mister
I'm just gonna miss her and pray I don't show it at all
You've picked me up just enough to get back to my falling down
Guns and religion, whiskey and women
have nothing in common, they claim
but they draw truth from deceivers, stop leavers,
and give unbelievers a reason for faith

So if you hold the answers, then I'll hold the doubts
and we'll stumble together - 'til we die or back out
Then we'll look back and wonder what drew us apart at the seams
Then I'll keep what's left after you break the best parts of me

I think I'll lay here staring at the ceiling
trying to fight off what feelings may find me
All the half empty closets and boxes tell me that you're moving on
There's a hole in my mirror and blood on my hand
'cus I think that I once saw you out with that man
It hurts me to hurt you
But if you hurt when I do, then you must be dying right now

So if you hold the answers, then I'll hold the doubts
and we'll stumble together - 'til we die or back out
Then we'll look back and wonder what drew us apart at the seams
Then I'll keep what's left after you break the best parts of me

So if you hold the answers, then I'll hold the doubts
and we'll stumble together - 'til we die or back out
Then we'll look back and wonder what drew us apart at the seams
Then I'll keep what's left after you break the best parts of me
I'll keep whats left after you break the best parts of me

Don't mind me, Mister
I'm just gonna miss her and pray I don't show it at all

Maybe Things Will Make Sense When We're Grown

I was young and so were you
you felt shy and I did too
When we held hands beneath the swings
You laughed and said you wanted to marry me
We found this bird under the slide;
a missing wing and a missing life
We buried him and wondered
why do helpless creatures have to die sometimes?
Maybe this will make sense when we’re grown
 - I hope so

Children grow up as children do
I grew up too and I married you
We picked the rice out of your hair
that two years later wasn’t there
By hospital beds and in waiting rooms
we'd play cards and I would pray with you
That God would one day grant permission
to move your illness to remission 
Maybe this will make sense when we’re old
- I don't think so

Then you died and I grew old 
I tried to come up with my own routine of living without you
It went fine for a year or two. 
But then I died, for I’d grown old
I was laid beside you, cold by cold and side by side
You and I - just the way we’d been in life for so long
Maybe things all make sense when you’re gone
Maybe nothing ever makes sense at all
Maybe things will make sense when we're grown
Maybe nothing ever makes sense at all
 – I kind of think so

Day One of the Nights I'll Die Alone

I've got a bad idea that's probably gonna turn out worse
The second that I act what's on my mind 
I had a mind to tell you, but I couldn't find the words 
so there you go, I'm all alone, ten miles behind  

Maybe I'll think about you and wonder
if you're somewhere on the road 
As I hum a song you wrote me years before 
While I'm laying here with someone you've never met or known 
In a life you wouldn't fit in anymore 

It's strange to wake up in the morning
and have someone right beside you 
Then to go to bed that evening all alone 
Now I'm drawing lone stick figures in the fog breath on the window 
Here's to day one of the nights I'll die alone 

I've got a mind to tell you
That you're still on my mind 
I just can't seem to get you off this heart of mine
If I had a line to sell you to make you stay behind 
I'd let you know, but there you go, and I'm doing fine 
I'm all alone, and you're all alone, and we're doing fine 

It's Best Just Not To Wonder, I've Been Told

I guess I'm strange for holding on to things that mend me.
When certainty abandons and the thoughts come creeping in
perhaps it's best to run from blooming comfort
and find solace in the far less frightening same we've always known.
What's threatening in sameness? What fear is found in old? 
Pull flowers with the weeds and let no pure or foul thing grow
Nothing lives and nothing dies; 
just planted seeds plucked fast for fear they, one day, all might wither;
or will grow too well to stand their loss in winter.

 ...I wonder if it's best to let things go? 
...It's best just not to wonder, I've been told....


Why plant and toil and till and groan for something that may die before its season?
So we stomp and crush the growing things, and retreat into our homes,
 so glad that we escaped such near, potential, threat of pain or freedom
Then time goes on and nothing changes.
Nothing's growing, nothing ages.
Just the same old, safest, sameness that we've always held and known;
but when the storms come in and the trust we've felt since youth is too frail for fighting
what grounded roots have we let grow in strength to hold? 
What new beauty then will lift us and what peace have we let bloom as newborn comfort?
When the risk made us uneasy, did we stop the growth that now could be our mending?
 Did we let the fear to start become our ending?

I wonder what we killed before it had grown?  
 and wonder how that changed the very lives that we have known? 
I wonder if it's best to let things go?
     ...It's best just not to wonder, I've been told...

Fall Away With Me

I know there were things that were bringing you down 
All your planted dreams that never broke the ground 
Still you always seemed like the one who'd get out 
of this go nowhere, mid-Florida, flashing light town 

Brother, I know that darkness comes calling 
Sometimes it's shows, but sometimes it don't
You went in alone, showing no signs of drowning
I guess that's how it goes...

Slow fall away with me 
And I, I will always be 
Your hope, your hope  

You found your demise in a bottle of wine 
with a .38 short on the back of your mind 
I must have called home nearly every night  
to offer you hope and assure things were fine 

They said not to speak of what you were fighting; 
but where would you be if only I had? 
I guess some men are weak, and some strong as lightning...
but what if I had...

Slow fall away with me 
And I, I will always be 
Your hope, your hope  

Now all of these things that awake me at night
Are nothing, it seems, when compared to your life
It won't ever seem right, it'll never feel right...

I know there were things that were bringing you down
but where would you be if I'd just come around
we all let you down 

Lay It Down Easy

Lean on me awhile, although I'm not of whom you've dreamed
since you were but a child; 
but child, can I learn to be the kind of man that you require?
Don't shun me from your side
if I can make you feel like you're somehow more alive

Oh, won't you open your heart again? 

Let it all bleed out; your subtle sense of worrying
Soon trust will come around setting you ever free again
to see the hope that you desire
I can't help but feel this darkness troubling you
in the same way I've fought for years
I just want to make you smile and draw you out
from all the anxiouaness, to perfect calm again

Oh, lay it down easy
the Devil's at the driving reigns 
trying to drag you to your childish ways of doubting yourself again
Oh, lay it down easy 
know you're not the one to blame
for falling to a darker place than where you began 

While I'm carrying this torch I know your scars are hard to hide
But I won't look at yours if you try not to stare at mine
You're safe with me, my dear

Come to Tennessee

You doubted yourself
I doubted you too 
Who would have ever thought you'd find me here drawing closer to you? 
but it's undoubtedly true
Because here in your room 
I'm looking for ways to draw you away
from all of the darkness that you have been going through 

Ooh
Would you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Ooh
I'm waiting for youYou doubted yourself, I doubted you too
Who would have ever thought you'd find me here
drawing closer to you?
It's undoubtedly true
because here in your room
I'm looking for ways to draw you away
from all of the darkness that you have been going through

Oh, won't you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Oh, I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you

You were born without love
Your own cord around your throat
Making you feel that trust was weak and merely a promise of hope
that's yet to be broken
You silently spoke
and I saw in your eyes as you realized
I'm not like the others you'd known - who'd cut you to the bone

Oh, won't you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Oh, I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you

No one's gonna hurt you now
No one's gonna let you down the way they did so many times before

Oh, won't you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Oh, I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you 

You were born without love 
Your own cord 'round your throat
Making you feel that trust is weak 
and merely a promise of hope that's yet to be broken
You silently spoke and
I saw in your eyes you realize I'm not like the others you've known
Who clawed you to the bone

Ooh
Would you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Ooh
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you

No ones going to hurt you now
No ones going to let you down
the way they did so many times before

Ooh
Would you move from Carolina if I asked you to?
Ooh
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you 

Plans of Great Escape

My eyes stare beyond the ocean
Through the howling winds and rain 
In sense, a prisoner laying plans of great escape 
Why is it my desires always are greater than my confidence? 

Still, I find subtle peace in knowing 
That if I sleep I'll awake 
To better problems than others have had before 
but it doesn't seem to quell the urging restlessness to leave 

I know that I know better than to deny;
I can't get you off my mind 

I've left rebellious cause for fighting and my ever childish angst
Now I don't question all the answers anymore;
or maybe all the answers simply lost their need for questioning 

Still, the moment that I stop to view the wild road before me;
 there's no doubting that I look like where I've been 
That probably should leave no room for doubting me at all

I know that I know better than to deny;
I can't get you off my mind 

It's hard, trusting in the open arms I see 
or trusting in your trust in me 

The Haunts of Youth

You - your lips like wine and haunting, tender eyes
 once made for better days
For me and the fleeting, restless pride
I'd tethered up and tied to keep from blowing away
But then life grew old and youth was lost forever
It felt stripped and torn away
Gone our separate ways
Forced to face the change ourselves

I, I will always feel as long as this heart of mine is beating
I, I will always heal as long as this soul of mine is breathing

You - your heart like glass
was flawed, yet so beautiful, in it's shattering
How it cut to wire my fingertips
as I helped you with finding the scatterings
I'm not prepared to mend or repair or save you at all
But when a broken thing can hold a broken thingYou, your lips like wine and haunting, tender eyes
once made for better days
for me and my fleeting, restless pride
I'd tethered up and tied to keep from blowing away
But then life grew old, and youth was lost forever
It felt stripped and torn away, left along the way
forced to face the change ourselves

I, I will always feel as long as this heart of mine is beating
I, I will always heal as long as this soul of mine is breathing

You, your heart like glass was flawed, yet so beautiful in it's shattering
How it cut to wire my fingertips
when I helped you with finding the scatterings
I'm not prepared to mend or repair or save you - at all
but when a broken thing can hold a broken thing
it makes the broken things feel whole

I, I will always feel as long as this heart of mine is beating
I, I will always heal as long as this soul of mine is breathing

You say you want to start a flame, but your heart is flooded over
and there is no way you're ever going to change enough for this

You, your lips like wine and haunting, tender eyes
once made for better days
it makes the broken things feel whole...

You say you want to start a flame
but your heart is flooded over and there is no way
you're ever going to change enough for this...

When You Need a Friend

I dove deep into my memories 
To when you'd let me look at yours
The night you swore that you'd go with me 
From homeland sea to foreign shore 

Do you recall my face at all?
When you need a friend darlin' don't think about me
I read your letters and lies filled them all
If you need a friend darlin' don't think of me

You said you'd lay till death beside me
You must have mistaken my bed 
There's not much sense in trying to hide things 
if I were to wish you well, I'd wish you dead 

Do you recall my face at all?
When you need a friend darlin' don't think about me
I read your letters and lies filled them all
If you need a friend darlin' don't think of me

It's only right the skies were storming 
When I lost the urge to fall 
The only answer left is...question it all 

Shadows Through a Canyon

Are you gonna miss me when I go?
You can't blame my heart for wondering 
Still years roll on and nothing shows
I guess these scars became a part of me 

I want to stay if you want me to 
But push me away if you need  

Baby, if we fake it through winter 
We'll fade out with the flowers of spring 
stretching our love like shadows through a canyon 
Until we're blurred and no longer depict reality 
Now we're blurred and no longer mean much of anything 

You don't need me coming 'round 
When you need relief from all your misery 
I'm just a habit for you now  
the default choice that's lost sincerity  

I woulda stayed if you'd asked me too 
It keeps me awake that you didn't 

I can't lie awake all night 
I can't lie you're on my mind 
What better peace was left behind?
You can't blame my heart for wondering 
You can't blame my heart for wondering 

Something/Someday

Do you have a bed you can spare
as a warm night of shelter?
come morning I'll have disappeared 
And left you no trace that I ever was here at all

Can you keep my head above waves?
For I've swam on for hours and feel land's still miles away 
I'm sure you're ashamed, of who I'm trying to be 
while trying to be something

Maybe I'll turn into something some day 
Dad always told me he'd be proud of me 
No matter what I chose to be or not be 
But I wonder if he saw me now 
I pray that he'd not be let down 
Lord, I don't know how 

Can you keep your warm hand in mine?
Know that I've got a reason for all of these battles I fight 
that leave me defeated
but someday I might turn it all around again

If all my stumbles took me home again 
would you still love a sinner still in love with sin?
How the sweetest of mothers raise the foulest of men 
is a mystery ever unknown 
Somebody carry me home 
I want to go home 

Ooh ooh ooh 
Ooh ooh ooh 

Maybe I'll turn into something some day 
Dad always told me he'd be proud of me 
No matter what I chose to be or not be 
But I wonder if he saw me now 
I pray that he'd not be let down 
Lord, I pray that I won't let you down
But I don't know how

The Long Ride

You called me your answer
I said I'm something you're not prepared for;
I'll turn to a cancer that eats you alive 
Draining you from the inside 
You just said you're a dancer 
As you threw your shoes on to the beach 
and pulled me into the tide
I smiled, staring down to keep my step in time 

Now I can't help but crumble like the state of this room 
If things had gone better I'd ended with you
And found better days 
I've had better days 

Now I'm in for the long ride 
and sleeping alone nights 
While you've got it made
 with somebody laying
till morning by your side
Now I'm in for the long ride 

I called to no answer 
That was something I hadn't prepared for; 
you'd turned to a cancer that ate me alive 
draining me from the inside 
Did I have a chance or 
Had my pre-determined defeat left no hope to survive?
Were we future strangers still present in time?

Now I turn on myself like waves off this shore 
If id'a shown then what we chose to ignore 
I'd know better days 
Those were better days
I've had better days 

Now I'm in for the long ride 
and sleeping alone nights 
While you've got it made
 with somebody laying
till morning by your side
Now I'm in for the long ride 

If Id'a let go of the faults I found so flattering 
You'd be lying here next to me 

Nothing & All Things, Altogether

I've been scarred by times before 
more often than I have healed properly 
I've found hurts don't erase; they're simply replaced 
or dampened by some other muse

Still it's not lack of judgement or misuse of faith 
Some poor decisions don't start as mistakes 
somewhere in the pages the story just changed
to what we wanted subconsciously 
Maybe heartache is something we need 
Maybe heartache is something we breed 

So hush child, close your eyes 
and welcome your dreams ever frightening 
For it's only a matter of time 
before you lose sense of wonder and awe

If growing old isn't the hardest part 
It's wondering how you could crawl so far 
to still have no concept of who you are 
that will cut you to ribbons inside 
That'll drive a man from his mind
That'll drive a man from his mind    

Ive sworn it since I was a child;
some wounds never mend
We just cut away at the most frequent pain
to make scars that we feel much more comfortable with

I've been stretching for something that's miles out of reach 
but has never felt aimless; though rarely achieved 
Is it better to hope for the wildest of things
or have peace in complacency?
or find your place in complacency...

Some Other Pine

And so it goes, with daring consistency
What unparalleled steadfastness
You're some sort of evergreen error
in an e'er-changing forest of human decency
We all change and form with the weather
Yet still you stand;
unfazed, unmoved, as stubborn and predictable as ever
I used to think it was good;
but consistency is only as good as the things you're consistent with
It's a shame;
How I'm always the one watering your roots and keeping the axes at bay
I've tried, I really have
I want to believe that you've changed
and that its just good will and strength that are all enduring
But it's not
You've clung to your flaws and dug down so deeply that it's unhealthy now
It's over, child
I'll find my peace beneath some other pine...

Children & Dogs

In a small house there's an old man 
with his children and dog
His wife wakes him mornings and he drives to his job 
Where he works for an old man
Who has children and a dog 
And who's wife wakes mornings and he drives to his job 

They both go home every evening 
Eat, and put their kids to bed
Until their sons are all grown up
and the grown men grow dead 
And their sons move into houses 
with their children and dogs
And their wives wake them mornings 
and they drive to their jobs

When the sons ask their children at the end of the day 
What did you learn? they'll say, "you find work with high pay"
So you can buy a small house 
for your children and dog 
And have a wife wake you mornings
so you can drive to your job 

And their kids will have kids and those kids will have more 
And they'll all live the same lives as their fathers before 
Some will have bigger houses
and some bigger dogs
and some bigger wives - who wake them for their jobs
You drive to work until you come home for dinner 
and then go to sleep until you wake for your job...


You Had it Made

You take pride in the way you smile 
Letting no one know that you crawled for miles to fake it 
with temporary hope
You're lying, alone in your party dress 
with your friends all gone like your consciousness and shame 
You're floating farther away 

They said you had it made 
But still you run away from all of this 
If you have it made 
Why do you need escape from this? 

You learned to burry your conscience in the wishing well 
and never whisper it's name or recall how you felt that day
You swear that you felt nothin'
You put a bag on its head and a pill down your throat 
and tied a block 'round it's neck so the corpse wouldn't float away 
You finally feel nothing 

You used to smile so much wider than the rest of us 
As it turns out, the higher hide things better than the best of us 
You never learned to get out of your own way
some things don't change 
You've thrown you're whole life away

Now your momma and dad are scraping up their knees  
Praying heaven above will give their baby peace of mind 

The Truth, I Guess...

I've been wondering how I'm gonna make it out of this 
If I'm gonna break, well the truth is 
I don't know anymore

Here's the truth, I guess;
some things don't erase or ever make much sense 
We all have pasts that we speak of in present tense
Bitter tastes from blaming things we can't let go 

It bothers me that my most felt emotions 
are apathy, depression, fear, and doubt 
Lately all my prayers for solution 
have crossed my mind but never quite escaped my mouth 

Why didn't someone say
that none of you had answers at the start of this 
Instead of leading me astray with such self confidence? 
If I'd learned to give up on me like my heroes did
They'd have taught me something worthwhile after all 

I'm ashamed that all my internal discussions 
are of bitterness toward my own friends' success
At their worst the self defeating repercussions
Keep me content to be a failure at my best
It bothers me that my most felt emotions
are apathy, depression, fear, and doubt
Lately all my prayers for solution
have crossed my mind but never quite escaped my mouth

Here's the truth, I guess
some things don't erase or ever make much sense
We all have pasts that we speak of in present tense
Heaven knows I'm trying like hell to let things go 

Someone as Broken as Me, Just Like You

What if I came into your life and made you feel noticed
would it be alright if I wrapped your hand in mine
and never let go or once left your side?
I know it seems strange coming from me, my Dear
But I don't want to be on my own now

What if you were unstable like me
cautious of closeness and being deceived
Would you still put your faith is us
as something unending and worthy of trust?
I know it seems strange, being asked this from me
But I don't want to be on my own anymore

All of my wasted life I've been waiting for someone as broken as me, just like you
to make me unguarded enough to say to,
"I know if seems strange, coming from me, my Dear
but I don't want to be on my own now"

I'll Leave The Front Light On

Is it honest of a boy to secretly enjoy
all the subtle things that break the seams 
and threaten to destroy his very way of blameless living?
His own path of guiltless ways? 
Do his questions need forgiving when his innocence decays?  

They said though purity can never be replenished
grace may still be something you can win...
So I'll leave the front light on
and claim it helps you, Grace find your way home;
But kind of hope that somebody else wanders in

Can a lack of faith in man be traced to lack of faith in God?
I hope to God that I'm not faithless;
for without faith we'd all be lost
and forced to rely on our conscience;
in the baseless state of tarnish where they would be

They said though faultlessness cannot be rediscovered
innocence is something you can find again...
So I'll leave the front light on,
to help innocence find its way back home;
but kind of hope that somebody else wanders in

Do do do do da do do da da da...

I'll leave the front light on
and claim it helps you find your way back home
but kind of hope that something vicious wanders in

Do do do do da do do da da da...

Oh, The Weeds...

I know that I'm a mess,
I only pray that my sincerity is strong enough to outlast 
all of these failures won so valiantly   
since the moment I left for whatever reasons I felt  
As you always did best, I've learned to live with myself

Oh oh oh I've got a heart built for leaving   
and I've never found a reason to change where I was going 
But, if there was one I should have heeded 
if there was one I should have needed 
I should have needed you most 

Oh the weeds!
It seems that all my flaws, like weeds, are growing everywhere;
 so settled through the stones and now impossible to purge
Know I'm trying for you, Darling, but these habits are resilient
and every time I feel they're gone
they're only dormant till returned 

A Heaviness Not Meant For Me

I'm tired of change
and tired of waiting for change to come
So I've been praying that my peace won't fall away from me 
I came of age and felt my answers come undone  
And soon erase all of the certainty I once believed 

Let me hold on
Though I've got no way to carry
all the weight that's been placed on 
Let me hold on for one more mile 
For one more mile 

To keep you safe
I took your weight up as my own
For I could carry both our burdens - but it weakened me
I'm not ashamed nor am afraid of all my fears 
But I can't take the blame for half the scars that made you leave 
and let you feel like you were justified in everything; 
for I'd grown broken by a heaviness not meant for me

Let me hold on
Though I've got no strength to carry
all the weight that's been placed on 
Let me hold on for one more mile 
For one more mile 

The Losing Side

Something in the fashion that you walk leaves me in disarray 
as infatuation grasps me in its claws and drags me under 
Like a victim comforted by subtle talks
 with it's cunning, mighty prey 
I feel safe among the knowledge 
 that I may soon be ripped and torn away

You've got a hold on me 
In a way I never thought could ever be a possibility 
Now the only way that I can see to really make it out free 
is to fall a little more 

I never thought that I'd go down so easy 
Fighting for control while I lose my mind 
Now this cold heart's been defeated
and learning how to cope on the losing side 

So fearlessly we march into the fire; the risk worth the reward 
 - and the cost of our wounds, and other's falls, and brothers slain;
With no thought or question
Our scars reveal our former great desires;
all the loves we served before,
and the captivated hearts of those we have enchained